The DC Snow Hole

I've always gotten really excited about snow, or the possibility of it. I pretty much moved to DC for it. I was all, Snowmageddon, here I come! I grabbed my bag full of scarves and hats – useless in Dallas – and headed north.



So how many times has it snowed since I moved here? (We're talking accumulation here, of course.)

ZERO.

I'm getting so screwed here! And to add insult to injury, Dallas got a major ice storm last winter that shut down the city for like a week. What the hell, Nature??

Today I got my explanation...I can blame the DC Snow Hole. Evidently this is A Thing. Look!



This is some serious bullshit. I had definitely noted over the summer months that we were getting mysteriously skipped by all the storms, which totally sucks because those little temperature dips allow me a few minutes to squeegee off my swamp-ass. But I digress.

Has anyone else noticed this phenomenon? (The Snow Hole, not the swamp-ass thing.) How is this happening?

On a related note, I think I'd like to be a weather forecaster. You can be wrong all the time and it's fine.

The most hilarious dad ever bought his kid an ostrich pillow.

A coworker was super excited to show off what he's giving his teenager for Christmas. It's called an ostrich pillow. As in, you stick your hands in, put your face down on the desk, and take a nap. (Not as in it's made of ostriches.) Observe:





Fucking rad.

Tuesday Cubicle Glamour Shots

DCish Stuff I Did This Year

I've resurrected The Blog. Again.

Here's the skinny on the new name:

I'm a grammar GEEK. If I could marry spelling, I would.



(Not that Spelling.)

Hopefully my grammar and spelling will be somewhat error-free, and I will use proper…capitalization.

But this is also a blog about my transformation into a true DC dweller. I moved into The District in 2012, and I'm slowly getting my bearings. So I'll discuss my…Capitalization. Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

To kick things off, I'd like to name just a few of the quintessential DC things I've already got under my belt after my first year in the city.

1. I went to the White House. Twice, bitches. We're not talking your regular sixth grade field trip. I took a tour of the West Wing. Like, a behind the scenes kind of tour. A tour that would make you way jealous if I told you about it. Which I'm not going to. The second time I went to the Obama crib was by invitation. (OK, I was a guest.) And I totally almost kind of saw the top of Barack and Michelle's heads over the crowd of people waiting to shake their hands. And if I had been willing to give up cotton candy, soda or kettle corn to stand in line, I would have been right there. The closest I ever got to another president was when Bill Clinton went to church in Culpeper on the way to his inauguration in 1993.



2. I've started riding my bike to work. It's almost 12 miles round-trip. Twelve. Of course it's taken a while to work up to that. The first day went something like this...

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Irx_fdkEIcw&w=420&h=315]



3. I attended an election night party. I was not aware of this phenomenon. True, DC basically bathes in politics like The Situation bathes in Acqua di Gio. For weeks, locals chose their candidates by choosing their cocktails. And working in "the private sector" (like me), as opposed to the government, is a rarity. But the election night party was really the icing on the political cake for me. It was seriously like watching the Super Bowl.



Otherwise, I've just been insisting on eating only at the latest and greatest restaurants, bitching about the Metro, wearing a shitload of J.Crew, and going to happy hour like every day. I believe that if I continue on this path, I will become a bona fide DC dweller. Someday.

You like?

I thought it was time for a change.

P is for Paris.

P is also for pee. Which is what the entire city of Paris smells like. Sorry to any Parisian folks, but your  city stinks.

Otherwise, here's my trip (yes, from October) in a nutshell:

• My French sucks. One lady even had to slowly repeat "MA-YO-NNAISE" several times.
• I could live on baguettes alone.
• Hot chocolate in America is bullshit.
• Parisian men have fantastic hair. Fantastic. Amazing. 
• I can get lost in a paper bag.

But man...what an amazing trip. I've found that I love traveling alone. And I spent my birthday evening on a terrace looking up at the Basilique du Sacré-Coeur, dining on duck, pastries, and champagne, with new friends from all over the world. How was your last birthday?

I don't care if Notre Dame is a tourist-laden nightmare. Amazeballs.

 Loved this bridge. Loved.

 Pretty sure every Disney character ever lives here.