Fodder

Life: it's all fodder for my (imaginary) novel. However, since I have no idea what I'm doing, I will probably just leave a crapload of scattered notes for my (imaginary) editor and have him piece it all together post-mortem a la David Foster Wallace.

Here are some tidbits just from the last couple of weeks.

• While enjoying a leisurely walk down the street the other evening, I saw a group of people through in a ground-floor room. The room had windows all the way around, and they were gathered attentively in a circle. I assumed it was a book reading or lecture. I slowed down a bit to check it out, and that's when I noticed the large projection screen at the front of the room. Wait, what is that? OH. IT'S A GIANT VAGINA WITH A BABY'S HEAD COMING OUT OF IT. Guess it's a birthing class, and not a reading. Wasn't ready for that one.

• I took the last bus home the other night. The bus driver got lost and skipped my neighborhood. I did get a private tour of Mt. Vernon, but I gotta say - there's not much going on there at 9:00 on a Thursday night. The bus driver was really apologetic and drove me home...in my very own personal bus. I am totally kicking myself for not asking her to hit the drive-through and the liquor store on the way.

• I do not care what you say. Toe shoes are weird and gross. And this lady had UGGS in her bag. I don't understand. Aren't those furry mammoth-foot boots made for comfort? Why would she need to change into these? To be trendy? But wait, are Uggs not trendy as well? My mind is blown. Also, I would never shop with this person.

• As part of my transformation into the full too-old-to-be-a-hipster-but-kinda-still-acting-like-one lifestyle, I bought a bike. This is my first bike in at least 12 years. The last time I attempted to ride one, my bell-bottoms (yeah, WHAT?) got stuck in something, and I fell into the road on campus. Instead of anyone asking if I was OK, cars honked and laughed as they drove by. But I'm back in the saddle again. I was a little shaky at first, but I got the hang of it after a few minutes. Just like riding a bike...wocka wocka. A gang of kids whizzed by me on their bikes as I was struggling to stay upright. Whatever, I'm older and my bike is totally cooler. Towanda!

• Hmmm, but what if it's questionable?...