Burden of Proof? Pshaw.

So I got a bunch of bogus parking tickets a while back. Literally a bunch. Some illiterate meter maid gave me the same incorrect ticket three days in a row. Through a combination of laziness and curiosity, I decided to fight them online. I took some photos and wrote a compelling (duh, it's me) appeal...

DISMISSED. Yes!!!!!!

I should be a lawyer.

Slideshow Friday: Life Recently

AKA I've been busy helping DS get his condo ready to sell and haven't had time to post, so I'm dumping a bunch of random photos I had on my phone here and calling it a day. Enjoy!

This is DS saying "sorry" for beating me for the 17th time in a row. I am NOT a good loser.

See the graffiti way up on the...high-up cone thingies...of this building? How did someone get up there? Impressive!

RAINBOW!!

Some bird took a massive crap on my windshield the morning after I finally had it cleaned and detailed for the first time in over a year. Jerk birds.

I come across this all the time...gnarled piles of broken car window glass. How does it get like that?

DS looking way handsome in his new turquoise shirt at my favorite local restaurant.

There you have it, folks. Hope everyone survives Andrea.

Zombies schmombies.

Having been in this creepy dark stairwell several times now and fully aware that I should never enter the basement alone under these circumstances, I'm 100 percent prepared for the zombie apocalypse. 

This is probably for that time in my past life when I stole that little girl's ice cream and kitten.

So remember back when I said I was doing this?

Pretty much immediately afterward, these happened. I literally can't take my eyes off this picture. And yes I WOULD pay $40 for one. Right now I would rip off my right earlobe for one.

And then I was all, "Oh, it's hot outside? It's OK. I'm OK. We're all OK. Teeheehee! (Giggles and flips hair.)"

And a freaking transformer explodes on my block, extinguishing the air conditioner and my enthusiasm  in a puff of smoke. This probably occurred as I was writing aforementioned post.

It's like rain on your wedding day. It's the good advice that you just didn't take. Who would've thought...it figgers? You know?

It's electric!

Actually it's not. 

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

There has been a very grumpy, sweaty, possibly nude (but not in a sexy way) Allison sleeping on her couch all night. Worst of all? No Internet, so I can't fix my blog settings so my little sister can make funny comments about it. 

Update: I'm being embraced by the sweet, sweet air-conditioned (and connected) arms of my cubicle. Julia, you can comment to your little heart's content now!

The Next Fitness Craze: Prancercise

What do you think? Yay or...neigh?

Is she channeling a horse? Because I see a camel toe...

2013 Summer Lovin' List

Summer is here.

In recognition of the current heat wave, I thought I'd skip the bitching about my butt sweat, and instead create a list of things I'm currently enjoying with the arrival of the warm weather. Look at me, all puppies and rainbows.

Prosecco

Actually, any sparkling wine will do in a pinch. The only issue with my newfound love of all things bubbly is that I feel pretty lame ordering it at a bar when everyone else is drinking PBR. I've been rewarding myself with a glass each time I survive a run (or a walk to the 7-11), so I had to figure out how to keep it fizzy for a couple of days. There's this trick, which is pretty much like magic. (Who knew?) But since DS is a gadget guy, he got me a real live champagne stopper. Spiffy!

Cheese Plates

This isn't necessarily just a summer thing, obv. DS and I have always been pretty into cheese (unusual, right?), but the obsession got kicked up a notch when his sister got us a sweet cheese slate last Christmas. We like when restaurants serve an assortment of extra stuff with the cheese. That way we can make fun little sandwiches and stuff with it. Free cheese-mustard-weird mini pickle thing sandwiches! Score. We recently attended a cheese tasting class because we're cool like that, and evidently the whole pairing thing is bullshit. It's all LIES. You can eat whatever you want, however you want. So don't buy into the hype. I know…I took a cheese class.

My Running Glasses

Remember Dan and Dave from the 1992 Olympics? (Team Dan!)

They would totally wear my new sunglasses. (Mine are way awesomer because they are bright 80s white.) I needed something to block all the sun/wind/dust/gnats/giant cicadas I kept getting in my eyes during runs and bike rides, but I didn't want to spend any money. The answer? Target, natch. I feel like people look at me weird when I wear these, like maybe I should be running faster than I am. Or wearing a side ponytail and Walkman. But I'm too busy judging their dumb outfits through my tinted plastic lenses (ummm that happen to say IRONMAN) to really care.

My Lulu Hat

OK, so this hat might look like something your mom would wear to the grocery store with her sweatpants and Crocs. The flowers under the brim are a little much for some people. But I've all but entirely swapped the headbands for hats when I run, and I wanted a light-colored one for summer, and I didn't want pink, and lululemon is a block from my office, and I really don't care what you think anyway. And I can wear my Dan and Dave glasses with it.

Bike Sharing

The interwebs have been all abuzz as of late about NYC's brand new bike share system, Citi Bike.

Ummm whatever, New York. You're old news. We've had bike sharing since 2008. Anyway, despite the fact that I had to pay full price for this year's membership (I didn't last year), I love Capital Bikeshare. If I don't bring my own pretty bike with me, it's a perfect way to get home from a bar. I'm pretty sure drunk biking is frowned upon, but tipsy biking is fine. Right?

Movies Outside

True, you can watch Princess Bride on TBS most Saturday afternoons. But. Can you watch it under the stars? Eating a gourmet grilled cheese from a food truck? Chanting, "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." and "Inconceivable!" with a couple hundred other people? I'm pretty excited about this year's lineup, which includes Moonlight Kingdom. I kind of missed out last summer due to a hives outbreak that lasted six months. I'll spare you those photos.

Daft Punk's New Album

This album has received a lot of negative reviews. These reviews are bullshit. Don't read them. Daft Punk's latest album is the first album I've enjoyed in quite a while. It's just…groovy. There's a distinct 70s vibe, blended with their signature electronic sound. It makes you want to put on some cool bell bottoms and drink some Hennessy in a bar that looks like it vomited gold trim, disco balls, mirror ceilings and faux fur. If that's your thing, get this album. (It's also great running music.)

Not Wearing Pants

Thaaaaaat's right. I'm going pantsless these days. 

Because I've switched to dresses. (I just got this one.) I've even gotten pretty good at riding my bike in them (squeeee she's so European!), though my mounting/dismounting could still use some work/aka I'm totally spastic.