The Airing of Grievances

In recognition of Festivus, I will now air my annual grievances.

• Why does The New York Times Weddings section only showcase Jewish couples with strings of Ivy League degrees and 20-year age gaps?
• LOLCats are not funny.

• Who uses words like, "leverage" or "aggregate" or "spur" on a regular basis? Lame marketing people like me.
• Raise your hand if you have run/are going to run/are currently running a marathon. Oh, everyone in the world? Good job.
• Unless you are a 9-year-old girl, Twilight sucks. It sucks. Same for Harry Potter. Adults, these obsessions are totally creepy.
• I got a $263 bill for sitting in a doctor's office for 10 minutes. No undressing. No exam. Nothing. High-deductible health insurance can bite me.
• I just got a ticket from the City of Dallas for running a red light. I was caught on camera. I was in the intersection for...wait for it...0.3 seconds. I'm considering taking a photo of a $100 bill and sending it to them.
• Zits and wrinkles. This is some kind of cruel cosmic joke.
• How do you get through college with bad grammar and spelling? How?
• Sarah Palin.

Moving on to the feats of strength. Where's my beer?

Happy Festivus, all.

My name is Simon. And I like to do drawrings.

So you already know that I am an excellent dancer, singer, scientific genius, and ninja superhero. But you probably didn't know that I'm also kind of a Monet. Not this kind of a Monet...

Like, a real one?

Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I totally won the school art contest in fourth grade.

And now I've decided to go back to my artsy-fartsy roots by taking a class at the most prestigious of all local community colleges, Brookhaven. To really get into the mood, I've essentially plastered the walls of my apartment with my pieces (that's art-talk for drawings).

Now, I haven't watermarked any of my pieces (see above for definition)...also they were taken with a crappy cell phone camera...BUT you might want to say you knew me when. Or at least followed my blog.

Sunday Funday

I found myself in the office this morning at 9 a.m. It's Sunday. I didn't really have a lot to catch up on...I simply didn't have anything else to do. Over the last couple of months, I've found that becoming the case more and more. I typically work 11 hours a day during the week, without a lunch break, because I can't eat another single with cheese, no onions. Then it's back to the office on the weekend, armed with an iPod and a cup of coffee.

I stared out the window today wondering if this is what life becomes for those who are single at 30. A little bit Bridget Jones-esque, maybe, but I would have the most boring holiday letter on the planet.

Hi everyone,


Hope you're well. I'm living in Dallas. Again. Working for a software company. Again. Still single. Still in and out of grad school. Oh! I replaced my catalytic converters. Well, happy holidays.


Love,
Allison

I'm not ready for a family. But what should I do? Get a cat? I hate cats. Girls, if you're reading this and still happen to be in college, just do yourself a favor, get it over with and find someone. Because if you're single when you graduate, there is a good chance you will stay that way forever. And you will work on Sundays. And you will drink too much. And you will relate to Bridget Jones, which is beyond depressing, because I can't stand Renee Zellweger, and her British accent is worse than the voice in my head that sounds like Mary Poppins.