Burden of Proof? Pshaw.

So I got a bunch of bogus parking tickets a while back. Literally a bunch. Some illiterate meter maid gave me the same incorrect ticket three days in a row. Through a combination of laziness and curiosity, I decided to fight them online. I took some photos and wrote a compelling (duh, it's me) appeal...

DISMISSED. Yes!!!!!!

I should be a lawyer.

It's electric!

Actually it's not. 

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

There has been a very grumpy, sweaty, possibly nude (but not in a sexy way) Allison sleeping on her couch all night. Worst of all? No Internet, so I can't fix my blog settings so my little sister can make funny comments about it. 

Update: I'm being embraced by the sweet, sweet air-conditioned (and connected) arms of my cubicle. Julia, you can comment to your little heart's content now!

2013 Summer Lovin' List

Summer is here.

In recognition of the current heat wave, I thought I'd skip the bitching about my butt sweat, and instead create a list of things I'm currently enjoying with the arrival of the warm weather. Look at me, all puppies and rainbows.

Prosecco

Actually, any sparkling wine will do in a pinch. The only issue with my newfound love of all things bubbly is that I feel pretty lame ordering it at a bar when everyone else is drinking PBR. I've been rewarding myself with a glass each time I survive a run (or a walk to the 7-11), so I had to figure out how to keep it fizzy for a couple of days. There's this trick, which is pretty much like magic. (Who knew?) But since DS is a gadget guy, he got me a real live champagne stopper. Spiffy!

Cheese Plates

This isn't necessarily just a summer thing, obv. DS and I have always been pretty into cheese (unusual, right?), but the obsession got kicked up a notch when his sister got us a sweet cheese slate last Christmas. We like when restaurants serve an assortment of extra stuff with the cheese. That way we can make fun little sandwiches and stuff with it. Free cheese-mustard-weird mini pickle thing sandwiches! Score. We recently attended a cheese tasting class because we're cool like that, and evidently the whole pairing thing is bullshit. It's all LIES. You can eat whatever you want, however you want. So don't buy into the hype. I know…I took a cheese class.

My Running Glasses

Remember Dan and Dave from the 1992 Olympics? (Team Dan!)

They would totally wear my new sunglasses. (Mine are way awesomer because they are bright 80s white.) I needed something to block all the sun/wind/dust/gnats/giant cicadas I kept getting in my eyes during runs and bike rides, but I didn't want to spend any money. The answer? Target, natch. I feel like people look at me weird when I wear these, like maybe I should be running faster than I am. Or wearing a side ponytail and Walkman. But I'm too busy judging their dumb outfits through my tinted plastic lenses (ummm that happen to say IRONMAN) to really care.

My Lulu Hat

OK, so this hat might look like something your mom would wear to the grocery store with her sweatpants and Crocs. The flowers under the brim are a little much for some people. But I've all but entirely swapped the headbands for hats when I run, and I wanted a light-colored one for summer, and I didn't want pink, and lululemon is a block from my office, and I really don't care what you think anyway. And I can wear my Dan and Dave glasses with it.

Bike Sharing

The interwebs have been all abuzz as of late about NYC's brand new bike share system, Citi Bike.

Ummm whatever, New York. You're old news. We've had bike sharing since 2008. Anyway, despite the fact that I had to pay full price for this year's membership (I didn't last year), I love Capital Bikeshare. If I don't bring my own pretty bike with me, it's a perfect way to get home from a bar. I'm pretty sure drunk biking is frowned upon, but tipsy biking is fine. Right?

Movies Outside

True, you can watch Princess Bride on TBS most Saturday afternoons. But. Can you watch it under the stars? Eating a gourmet grilled cheese from a food truck? Chanting, "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." and "Inconceivable!" with a couple hundred other people? I'm pretty excited about this year's lineup, which includes Moonlight Kingdom. I kind of missed out last summer due to a hives outbreak that lasted six months. I'll spare you those photos.

Daft Punk's New Album

This album has received a lot of negative reviews. These reviews are bullshit. Don't read them. Daft Punk's latest album is the first album I've enjoyed in quite a while. It's just…groovy. There's a distinct 70s vibe, blended with their signature electronic sound. It makes you want to put on some cool bell bottoms and drink some Hennessy in a bar that looks like it vomited gold trim, disco balls, mirror ceilings and faux fur. If that's your thing, get this album. (It's also great running music.)

Not Wearing Pants

Thaaaaaat's right. I'm going pantsless these days. 

Because I've switched to dresses. (I just got this one.) I've even gotten pretty good at riding my bike in them (squeeee she's so European!), though my mounting/dismounting could still use some work/aka I'm totally spastic. 

Yay for baseball ticket hookups!

Someone in DS's circle is involved with the Phillies, so whenever they come to DC to play the Nats, we try to get tickets. We got SPOILED this weekend with front-row seats. Here's our Kiss Cam photo.

Just kidding. But we were sitting next to Duff Man and a giant hot dog, so you probably saw us on TV if you caught the game. 

Happy Bike to Work Day, DC!

We participated in BTWD for the second year in a row this morning. I was pretty stoked that the t-shirts were blue this year instead of the lime-ass green (yes, limes have asses) they were in 2012.

Note that DS is dressed in normal clothing while I'm decked out in workout gear. I sweat a lot more. Also note how many of us are sporting helmets...

Only in DC.

Only in DC would your run be interrupted by a motorcade. This is so NOT the only time this has happened.

Dr. Steve informed me it's National Police Week. Cool beans. 

DCish Stuff I Did This Year

I've resurrected The Blog. Again.

Here's the skinny on the new name:

I'm a grammar GEEK. If I could marry spelling, I would.



(Not that Spelling.)

Hopefully my grammar and spelling will be somewhat error-free, and I will use proper…capitalization.

But this is also a blog about my transformation into a true DC dweller. I moved into The District in 2012, and I'm slowly getting my bearings. So I'll discuss my…Capitalization. Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

To kick things off, I'd like to name just a few of the quintessential DC things I've already got under my belt after my first year in the city.

1. I went to the White House. Twice, bitches. We're not talking your regular sixth grade field trip. I took a tour of the West Wing. Like, a behind the scenes kind of tour. A tour that would make you way jealous if I told you about it. Which I'm not going to. The second time I went to the Obama crib was by invitation. (OK, I was a guest.) And I totally almost kind of saw the top of Barack and Michelle's heads over the crowd of people waiting to shake their hands. And if I had been willing to give up cotton candy, soda or kettle corn to stand in line, I would have been right there. The closest I ever got to another president was when Bill Clinton went to church in Culpeper on the way to his inauguration in 1993.



2. I've started riding my bike to work. It's almost 12 miles round-trip. Twelve. Of course it's taken a while to work up to that. The first day went something like this...

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Irx_fdkEIcw&w=420&h=315]



3. I attended an election night party. I was not aware of this phenomenon. True, DC basically bathes in politics like The Situation bathes in Acqua di Gio. For weeks, locals chose their candidates by choosing their cocktails. And working in "the private sector" (like me), as opposed to the government, is a rarity. But the election night party was really the icing on the political cake for me. It was seriously like watching the Super Bowl.



Otherwise, I've just been insisting on eating only at the latest and greatest restaurants, bitching about the Metro, wearing a shitload of J.Crew, and going to happy hour like every day. I believe that if I continue on this path, I will become a bona fide DC dweller. Someday.